&& NOTHING -- aunii

[BENJI JAMES BADICA]

It was one of those days for Benji. He wasn’t in one of his extreme highs, which he liked to call a light mood, but he wasn’t in an extreme low, which he called his dark moods. Right now he was kind of floating in the middle, always teetering on the edge of one or the other, which is what he calls a gray mood. Today was one of his gray mood days, but these were the days that always made Benji worry because he never knew when he was going to teeter into a dark or a light mood, usually he’d hope for a light mood, but that always meant he’d eventually crash into a dark one sooner than later. It was hard for Benji to handle sometimes, hence his deteriorating sanity.

Though his sanity wasn’t just ebbing away because of his extreme mood swings, in fact the mood swings were a sign of his insanity. There were other signs of Benji’s slowly diminishing sanity, but those weren’t as significant or frequent as the Bipolar disorder. Even though they weren’t frequent it didn’t mean that those things never happened. Usually the voices weren’t as prominent, same as the hallucinations, but usually when Benji stays in the gray zone for too long these things start to peak. Its as if his mind won’t allow him to have some semblance of normalcy because once the gray mood prolongs it gets ruined by the voices and hallucinations.

Right now though Benji was in one of those states, the grey mood has been lasting too long and things were starting to sway towards the two different extremes with help from the voices. During these times Benji found that it was best that he was alone because when people were around he didn’t know what would happen. The voices started whispering while Benji was at breakfast so he set off for the closest isolated place, the courtyard, and settled onto a bench with his knees tucked to his chest and his forehead resting on his knees. Though his face wasn’t showing people could tell it was Benji simply by the brightness and wildness of his hair, well actually a person would only know that if they knew who Benji was, otherwise they’d think he was a nut… which he was.

As he sat there on the bench he fought between whether or not what he was experiencing was real or not. Go on kid, go do it. The voices would say, egging him on to do something he knew he shouldn’t do. The voices always wanted him to do something, the darker ones that linked to the dark moods always told him to do something that would get him in trouble and the lighter voices always told him to do something good, like healing, but would only increase his decreasing sanity. It was hard to avoid the voices, they only went away with the help of self medication.

For a quick fix to this problem Benji quickly fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a flask from his pocket and took a long drink. The buzz from the drink was enough to put the voices into a hum, but not enough to get rid of them completely. Keeping the flask still in hand for safety measures Benji returned to the upright fetal position he was in and hoped that he wouldn’t tip over into the darkness or the light. He knew it was inevitable to stay in the grey forever, but he hoped that he could with all his heart. With his head buried in his knees he didn’t notice the sound of someone approaching because he was too concentrated on pushing out the insanity.

&&WORDS 621
&&TAGGED aunii
&&STATUS finished
&&OUTFIT ripped black skinny jeans, no shoes, green vneck
&&NOTES i am going to enjoy this plot !

[AITHNE MAEVE WHELAN]

sanity was overrated. every was always so worried about being normal, but what is normal? no one can really answer that, at least not the same as other people would. aunii preferred just to be herself. it was just easier than trying to be something your not. but she did like to stand out, and being herself sure caused that. she had started off as the prefect little moroi girl, but being the second best, if that, in her family but she'd developed a unique personality that got her noticed. but she wasn't popular. in fact she was quite the opposite. she was an outsider, disliked for not being like the others. she didn't want to be the girl that was terrified of breaking a nail or messing up her hair.

today she was feeling perky and hyper, like nothing could bring her down, like she was super lucky. she skipped down the halls on her way to breakfast, getting her fair share of looks from people that thought she was crazy. one kid and said she was just like, oh who was it, benny? yea it was benny. she didn't know who this benny was but she didn't care. just another self expressing person. maybe she'd meet probably meet him at some point but she wasn't going to rush it.

she looked through the door of the cafeteria. wow it was pretty damn crowd. aunii thought about going in and waiting but she wasn't all that hungry right now. she went walking past the door with no destination in mind. she looked at two boys that were walking by and thought about how cute they were. they almost smiled at her before realizing who she was and giving her a weird look. so she stuck her tongue out at them, than did a handstand and continued down the hall like that.

she came to the courtyard and realized she could go sit in there for a while. she let her feet lower to the ground till she was in a bridge and pulled herself up right. at first she didn't notice the boy sitting on the bench. she was taken a back when she saw him, sitting in the fetal position. she slowly made her way over and sat next to him. he looked confused, sad maybe. either way she didn't like it, her mood was to good. she looked over at him with concern in her eyes. "hey are you ok?" she asked softly, hoping he would say yes. no cute boy should be sad.

TAG: benji!
WORDS:

[/color] 425!
MUSE:[/color] if i had you by adam lambert!
CLOTHING:[/color] clicky!
NOTES:[/color] i will enjoy it too ! and sorry it's shorter XD
CREDIT:[/color] TILLY of caution 2.0.[/font][/left][/size]

[BENJI JAMES BADICA]

You know Benji hasn’t always been like this. He hasn’t always been a mental mess that can barely tell the difference between the real world and dreamland. If Benji had realized the affects of his magic earlier he wouldn’t have practiced as he had, but since Benji couldn’t change the past. However the past is what Benji missed. He missed when he was the crazy in a fun and goofy way instead of crazy in a certifiably nuts and insane way. Back when Benji was in London he was the life of whatever room he stepped into, he was the jokester and an all around well liked guy. Sure there are still his moments where that old Benji reappears but they are rare and hard to pull out.

Sadly though nobody at St. Vladimir’s knows that Benji used to be like this, they only know of his rare moments that they thoroughly enjoy. People have learned to enjoy Benji’s good moods and fear his bad ones and be pleased about the gray. They just knew by now to ignore him when he was in a state like he was now, maybe that’s why he didn’t even bother to pay attention to his surroundings and the fact that someone was approaching him. Usually when he was alone like this he couldn’t tell if the person that approached him was real or not, not even with the dilution of the buzz the drink had given him.

Honestly Benji didn’t even notice the person until she spoke causing him to jump in his seat, startled. Slowly he looked up at the person with his wild green eyes and peered at her through his messy blond hair that had fallen in his eyes. For a while Benji just stared at her, not answering her question because he hadn’t decided if she was real or not. It wouldn’t be the first time he had delusions like this, of pretty girls wanting to help him. How was he to know that this wasn’t some trick of his delirious mind trying to coax him to one extreme or another? Could she possibly be real? Deciding that the worst thing that could happen was to seem crazy, which he was, Benji decided that she was real and even if she wasn’t he’d talk to her anyway.

I don’ believe so Benji said and rested his chin on his knees knowing that if this girl was truly real then he hadn’t met her before. Usually people that he hasn’t met didn’t know that he was actually the rumored crazy Royal Moroi that attended the Academy. However they soon realized it after a conversation with him that his mind wasn’t in the right state of being. I don’ believe I have been in quite a while Benji spoke with a sad smile tracing his lips. It was the sad truth of the past years of his life that he has never been quite right since he discovered his magic. Oh how he wished that he could reverse time and bring back his sanity, but that was truly a crazy idea.

&&WORDS 521
&&TAGGED aunii
&&STATUS finished
&&OUTFIT ripped black skinny jeans, no shoes, green vneck
&&NOTES i am going to enjoy this plot !

[AITHNE MAEVE WHELAN]

aunii had to admit this place was pretty, but not like back home. she missed her home. she missed the hundreds of acres they called their own. the acres with forest, fields of grass teller than her, the acres with a lake. she missed the stable of horses, the fields with cows. but mostly she missed her twin brother. she'd never had friends cause she had him, plus their parents didn't let them talk to humans and their were no moroi around. the closest thing to friends she had were her dhampire guardians.

she giggled lightly as the boy jumped. she tended to have that affect on people. plus she liked to sneak up and scare the crap out of people, it was just so fun. maybe that was why she had no friends. hmmm, she'd have to maul that over later tonight. her clear blue ice eyes stared back at him. she could fathom why he was staring at her. it's not like she was the only girl to talk to him. she didn't think that was possible, he was too cute with his stunning green yes and blonde hair that almost glowed in the light.

she was starting to think he was a mute by the time he finally spoke. she listened intently as he spoke, watching every slight movement of his body. aunii was fascinated with people and trying to guess whether that were dhampire or moroi. she figured he was a moroi like her, he just had that look about him.

she smiled light at him. "I'm aithne, but you can call me aunii." she said with her thick irish accent. she loved being irish, i mean she told use the 'kiss me i'm irish' saying and mean it. than again she did get called a leprechaun a lot it was rather annoying. "i'm not ok either. i don't think i ever was." she said looking down at her feet with a look of frustration that was more funny and adorable than anything else. she was so like a child.

aunii looked back over at him. she tried to figure out who he was. she knew she didn't know him, but she knew she should. he looked like the kind of guy who everyone knew or wanted to know, or at least every girl. so far she was the girl people saw and knew to leave alone. she didn't really mind that though cause she had her kitty and that's all she really needed.

"so why aren't you ok?" she asked curiously, with a look of intent curiosity. she was very expressive, most people thought it was funny. some thought it was cute but not many and it was always cause it reminded them of a little child. she didn't like to be thought of has a child i mean she is seventeen after all. "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. just so you know" she puller her legs up so she was sitting criss cross. she looked at her feet again feeling a little embarassed for a reason she didn't really know.

TAG: benji!
WORDS:

[/color] 518!
MUSE:[/color] if i had you by adam lambert!
CLOTHING:[/color] clicky!
NOTES:[/color] i will enjoy it too !
CREDIT:[/color] TILLY of caution 2.0.[/font][/left][/size]

[BENJI JAMES BADICA]

Whenever Benji had delusions and hallucinations he could barely tell if they were real or not. Usually he had to wait for something he was certain would never happen in real life. If Benji experienced something that even his insane mind could realize wasn’t real then he could distinguish the hallucinations. Other times Benji simply relied on the help of others. Benji would ask the people that he knew well enough to tell him if what he was seeing was real, usually they would laugh and confirm whether something is a delusion or in real life. It was always painful for Benji to ask for help in telling the difference because it seemed to remind him and everyone else that he truly wasn’t in a fit state of mind.

Right now Benji was having a hard time telling whether or not this girl was real or not. Most people, even Benji’s friends, were cautious around him, but this girl acted normal which seemed like something abnormal, but not abnormal enough for Benji to tell if she was real or not. Badly he wanted someone to walk by and acknowledge the girl so he knew he wasn’t going completely mad. However there was no one in sight but the girl that had taken a seat next to him which caused him to scoot away a little further down on the bench, to put space between him and the questionably real girl.

Then the girl introduced herself and Benji questioned whether or not his own mind could have thought of such a unique name. Seriously this girl was too hard to figure out; even if Benji was sure that she was real he would still be confused by her. She seemed so cheery and out of place especially next to Benji who looked quite distressed because he couldn’t figure out this girl and the fact that the voice’s whispers were getting louder and louder in the back of his head. Before saying anything to the girl Benji fumbled with the flask in his hands and dumped the rest of the contents in his mouth, hoping that if this girl wasn’t real that she would disappear after the affects of self medication.

I-I’m Benji Benji said after she introduced himself and he had emptied the contents of his flask into his mouth. And I’m certain that my standards for okay aren't the same as yours. Benji added in his British accented voice that seemed less confused do to the affects of the alcohol he had just consumed. Since Benji had just finished off his flask and the girl wasn’t faltering as a hallucination would be doing so maybe this girl wasn’t a hallucination, well at least Benji was leaning toward that side of the spectrum.

An’ I’m not okay because I am me Benji said in response to her question. He was kind of hoping that he could pass as a sane person, but he doubted that it was possible after mentioning his name and the fact that his knees were still tucked to his chest and his chin still resided on his knees. The voices in the back of Benji’s mind had become a murmur but it still made him nervous that he was close to tipping over the light or dark edge. It was as if he was walking on a balance beam and if he fell on one side he would go into extreme darkness and if he fell the other way he would fall into blinding light, both options weren’t very welcoming in Benji’s point of view. But I’ve been worse, so I’ll be fine for a while…hopefully.

&&WORDS 609
&&TAGGED aunii
&&STATUS finished
&&OUTFIT ripped black skinny jeans, no shoes, green vneck
&&NOTES i am going to enjoy this plot !